Why ‘medical harm’ arguments don’t dissuade homosexual activity

Some people who wish to dissuade loved ones from engaging in homosexual intercourse use so-called “medical harm” arguments to attempt to demonstrate that gay sex would be medically unhealthy. We’ll see later on in the post that the real reason is that the argument does not work is that it does not address the root causes of same-sex attractions.

I. First, let’s examine some classic medical harm arguments:

1. Disease, HIV, general STD’s

The argument goes like this: men who have sex with men are the primary carriers of HIV in the U.S., so having gay sex puts you at very high risk.

2. Physical damage

The argument goes like this: a vagina is designed for penetration by a penis, the anal cavity is not. Penetration can tear interior intestinal walls, leading to massive bleeding requiring surgery and providing an opening for bacteria used for digestion harbored in the intestines to infect the rest of the body.

II. Why wouldn’t this be convincing?

For most straight men, this is plenty of reason not to do gay sex, aside from the ‘nasty’ factor. But consider maybe there’s something more important to a man than his health. Here’s an example: At one point during the U.S.’s war in Iraq, there were 85,000 troops deployed, 25,000 of whom were wounded, 11,000 badly enough not to be able to return. The rates are 30% wounded rate, 13% can’t return. Now, consider for a minute that the men who volunteer for war do so knowing there’s a really strong chance they will be wounded or die.

A. Why would a man do that?

I’m not going to cover most of the positive reasons a man would chose military service, which I do believe can be noble, but I am going to cover some reasons why he would downplay the possible negative side effects.

1) He doesn’t believe he will be the one wounded.

Statistically, someone is more likely to not be harmed, so many men believe they simply won’t be the one who gets hurt. “I can beat the odds” syndrome.

2) I can defend myself from harm.

Having faith in his self to defend himself, he believes that even if he is the one attacked, he will be fast enough, smart enough, well-trained enough, use enough appropriate protective equipment to not be harmed.

3) There is something more important to him than his life, or good health.

Actually, this is said to be a pre-requisite for a marriage amongst many Christians. They point out that the Bible teaches husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25. They teach we must be willing to die for someone before marrying them. Many men who go off to war leave their families behind, including wives and children, because they believe that by participating, life will be better if not for himself, at least for those he loves.

4) No other option

It’s true, some men join the army because they don’t see other options in their life. They may have very little education, have no job, large debt, etc…. and find the army a satisfying structured and well-paying vocation. He is paid well, seldom assigned tasks he isn’t able to complete, he has a vast ready-made network of friends he regularly gets naked with in the showers… ok, blurring the lines a little bit here. The point is, he feels like this is his only option, and without it he would die, or face terrible financial / legal consequences.

B. How does this apply to someone who feels eroticized same-sex attractions?

Consider the arguments:

1) Beat the odds.

Go look up CDC numbers on the rates of HIV infection, and percentage of men who identify as ‘gay’. Work out the math, it’s 6%. If only 6% of men engaging in gay sex get HIV, that’s 94% who don’t… that’s like an ‘A’.

2) I can defend myself

“I’ll use a condom”, or “I won’t have sex with anonymous men”, or “I’ll be monogamous and it won’t be a problem for us.” I won’t…. inhale… Various methods of avoiding STD’s are actively promoted by our governments, schools, and social organizations. People believe they are protected.

3) Something more important

Keep in mind that a man who has eroticized same-sex attractions believes it is “love”. We may recognize it as emotional dependency or co-dependency, but to him, it’s as strong as the need to know who and what he is. Remember that emotional wounds can lead to eroticized same-sex attractions; what is a non-erotic same-sex attraction? It’s the need to bond with others of the same-sex: to feel accepted and affirmed. This is what he is trying to get from gay sex, or from a romantic relationship to another man. Eventually, it won’t work: the erotic cannot satiate the need for a sense of self, but for the time being, the erotic pleasure is enough to make it feel like it does. For someone who has never experienced this level of lack in the sense of self, it can be difficult that this would be an over-riding motivation in his life, and for someone who’s never experienced a satiated sense of self, it can be difficult to imagine that there could ever be something more “loving” than emotional dependency, or co-dependency. So to him, an unlikely medical problem is definitely worth not feeling alone.

4) No other option

Men who were not wounded in their concept of self, but instead with the concept of the “other”, may feel like they have no alternatives. They may have an established sense of “self”, but woman don’t seem like a real option, at least not a “safe” option. Being married to a woman may be acceptable and as a result create children they truly love, but if his wife is abusive to his sense of masculinity in a way which he perceives to be the feminine, he may go looking elsewhere for safe vulnerable contact. Again, he’s looking to get his needs met. He wants respect and safety. If he feels like his wife is the problem, he might look for other women, but if the wounds are done in a way that it feels like it’s femininity which is the problem, he may turn to men.

III. Could the argument actually be counter-productive?

In fact, some of the men I know had parents who made them attend “scared straight”-type lectures or posted photos of sickly AIDs patients on their bedroom walls. The message he heard: “this is how we see you”. He certainly wasn’t going to invite friends over to hang out with stuff like that around. I was in a similar boat: my parents put a “how to make friends” chart on my wall. The message I heard: “you can’t have friends because you’re not good enough, result: stopped inviting friends over to hang out. A shame message followed by isolation, sound familiar? Right; “Shame and Attachment Loss” the root causes of eroticized same-sex attractions. In other words, because these parents were inattentive to their children’s love needs and emotional wounds, they actually ended up exacerbating the problem. Hint: the inattentiveness contributes to the shame and attachment loss in the first place.

So, if one makes an argument to someone who has an incomplete concept-of-theirself (self identity) that if he gets what he wants it will be very bad, they reinforce a “double-bind”. He certainly isn’t going to participate in straight sex, ick. So what’s left, being alone for the rest of his life? (anticipatory attachment loss) Remember, to him, this isn’t some business plan he’s developed, these are feelings which arise from inside him, from a mysterious origin. He’s taught by society that it’s “who he is”, and so believes he can’t change.

So think critically about the mindset of someone you’re lecturing about medical harm. What they’re thinking is “why is it so wrong if we really love each other?”, “why is it wrong if we’re careful?”, “I just want him to love me.”, and “my partner really gets me, this guy doesn’t, why would I listen to him?”. Lecturing people about what’s good and bad for them doesn’t work unless you speak from a position of respect in their life, and then usually only if they invite you. Doing anything else is likely to trigger anticipatory shame. If you’re not in that position, you may demonstrate that you really don’t “get” him because your argument is so far removed from what’s truly important in his life.

IV. What do we say instead?

So here’s a question: how do you know that saying something is what he needs? What are his needs? What is the issue? Think about this critically before speaking your advice:

Let’s go back to basics here: eroticized same-sex attractions come from needs for love which haven’t been met. Specifically, needs for same-sex attachment. i.e. acceptance, affirmation, and affection. In other words, when he’s having sex with that other man, these thoughts and judgements about himself are floating through his head: “He accepts me as I am.”, “He values me.”, and “A man who wants me!” If you want him outside of the gay lifestyle, you need to treat him in such a way that he believes these things when he is with you, but not erotically. You can’t just say it to him, you have to do it. Let’s take a look at what that looks like.

His needs are:

Acceptance: A sense of self, belonging, as a gendered being, as a man or woman. None of this androgynous “child of God” stuff, use “son of God” or “daughter of God”. Yes, God has actually spoken the words, “I love you, son.” to me. He didn’t say “I love you, child.”

Affirmation: Acknowledge they have the right to feel their own emotions. And allow them to feel their emotions without heaping shame on them. Also, recognize any negative judgements they may be making about themselves, and be careful about breaking from empathy to offer your judgement only if they agree. “I hear you saying you’re too fat, would you for me to share how I see you?” If they say, “no”, don’t say it. If they say “yes”, something along the lines of “I believe you look very masculine, and powerful.” or whatever other cogent, up-lifting, true statement which address their core needs you happen to think of.

Affection: Don’t treat them like they’re watching you on TV: to hear you and follow you but never touch touch and never reflect back their emotions. Empathy in infancy begins with touch. In our shell-shocked culture where sex sells everything, we’ve found many men with eroticized same-sex attractions have been touch-deprived. For some guidelines about healthy ways to express affection for them: 1) hugs are an absolute must, and for further reading check out Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, and Richard Cohen’s Coming Out Straight. For more resources, check out the Act 1 video where we dive head first on why logical arguments usually don’t work, and our book recommendations. But yeah, if you’re not touching him like you would a real brother or son, you’re doing it wrong.

And they come from emotional wounds which haven’t healed. Maybe you can get training in how to help him heal his wounds, but at least learn how to support him on his way. Get started here: with the only 3 things I wish my straight Christian friends knew about homosexuality.

You don’t need to cover-over any truths here, you don’t need to reject any scripture. I’m not suggesting that. I am suggesting that if he already knows that you don’t approve of gay sex, or that you think it’s harmful, and that didn’t change his mind: hearing it again won’t help. He needs someone to come through on their promise to “love their neighbor”. So in that way, “medical harm” arguments aren’t the arguments to convince your gay friend to turn straight, they’re the arguments to convince you to get the training you need to be able to help him for real.

C.S. Lewis, phileo & homosexuality

Was listening to an audio recording of C.S. Lewis talking about “The Four Loves” today from 1971. In it, when talking about “phileo”, he said

There is lately a nastier bit of evidence that the experience of philea is not universal: If you speak of it with any seriousness, you are now quite likely to be suspected of homosexuality. This is extremely revealing… [It proves] is that they’ve never known friendship or never known eros. I appeal to everyone who’s known both to bear me witness that in some ways nothing is so unlike a friendship as a love affair.

Until modern times, male friendship expressed itself through kisses embraces and tears. This behavior might be connected with a repressed erotic element, but no one with any historical sense could expect this was always so. The truth is what is eccentric, what needs explaining was not the demonstrative gestures of old friendship, but the apparent coldness of ours. This modern repugnance of close physical contact with my own sex may be diagnosable as pathological.

The Gay Lobby’s succeeding plan to end religious liberty

The gay lobby, well, look ok, there’s not like a list or something, but check out the SPLC’s announcement to ban all sexual orientation change efforts “SOCE” across America.

They’ve first passed a law in California in November, 2012. That’s what got my attention. Before, that, my attractions had changed; I was just going to close that chapter on my life and maybe help mentor a support group or two. But they actually made the therapy I’d been through illegal, well all of it, good & kooks, for minors. Knowing what I know now, I wished someone had the knowledge to diagnose my symptoms when I was a minor. It would have made this entire process soooooo much easier; so many emotional wounds I would never have gotten, so many needs for love which could have been filled sooner. What about all those boys in California like me? I realized I couldn’t stay quiet with my testimony; I had to stand up and defend our religious freedom. I needed the Church to know the truth, instead of languishing in assumptions.

Then, instead of following his religious faith and vetoing a similar ban in New Jersey, Governor Chris Christy wholeheartedly endorsed a ban there as well. No small coincidence. See.. those of us from the South, well, we kinda think California is crazy. But New Jersey? What happened there? Turns out the most prominent Christian therapist who constantly succeeds in SOCE is Joe Nicolosi, who works in California and most of his practice is minors. And the most prominent Jewish therapist is based in… you guessed it: New Jersey. Oh, also, they’re just suing him.

While the whole nation pondered whether it was appropriate for Penn State to lose so many wins because of what Jerry Sandusky did, New Jersey gay lobbyists were inventing testimonies to ensure that once they sexually abused a child – they couldn’t get help.

Do we support coercing children into SOCE? NOOOooo! Do we support bashing gays or bullying? NOOOOooo! But come, on. You’d think even Chris Christy could just say, “hey, religious liberty is cool in New Jersey.” but noooooo.

What Phil Robertson said which drives ‘gays’ out of the Church, and how to win them back.

So Duck Dynasty dude Phil Robertson gave an interview to GQ, and though it’s pretty clear from the writer’s comments that he doesn’t accept Phil’s worldview, I’m just going to take the quotations at their word since Phil hasn’t claimed they are false. The hubbub has all been around Phil’s comments about homosexuality, in particular in how they relate to Christianity. They’ve been called “anti-gay” and “gay bashing”. And whatever Phi’s intent, they’ve sparked a flurry of lash from GLAAD, and A&E has suspended him from the show. I didn’t want to get in the middle of a societal battle, and I’m not interested in getting in debates about whether A&E should or should not suspend the show, but it’s so relevant to the project and nothing anyone is talking about is promoting understanding or healing. Instead, I see people drawing battle lines with “Christians” on one side and “gays” on the other, and the Biblical truth is people are not the enemy. So here goes:

First off, out of the way, is this a free speech issue?

No, the 1st amendment to the U.S. of A. Federal Constitution prohibits the Federal government from stoping A&E from not hiring Phil just as it prohibits the Federal government from passing ENDA. Phil is totally free to continue repeating his statements at his many speaking gigs around the country without government interference.

What did Phil do that is considered so hateful?

As you read this, if you’re not intimately familiar with what causes eroticized same-sex attractions, keep in mind that eroticized same-sex attractions are caused by 1) needs for love that haven’t been met, and 2) emotional wounds that haven’t been healed.

I hesitate to quote this, but here goes:

“It seems like, to me, a v[jayjay]—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s [component]. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

Phil implies that erotic same-sex attractions are caused by a person’s own sin choice. While that can happen, it’s not common now-a-days. David Bowie is one example of someone who actually chose to participate in erotic sexual activities with men despite not feeling an erotic attraction to them, precisely for the purpose of flying in the face of Biblical morality, but today admits he is erotically attracted only to women and always has been. Simply put, most people who identify as ‘gay’ didn’t choose to feel eroticized same-sex attractions. So Phil’s statements are just plain uninformed, perhaps a little arrogant for thinking he understood it in the first place. It’s something every person in the gay lifestyle knows is false, and hearing Phil imply it and then associate it with sin results in believing that they as a person are a sin. It is critical to note that that is not Biblical morality. God loves all people, designed us in His image, and Jesus died so that we might be saved.

Then Phil goes on,

“Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

Thanks, Phil, for correctly separating “homosexual” from “offender”, many people forget to. Of course, he added “It’s not right” to the end of the Bible quote, not sure why. So what’s wrong with that? Well simply put, when it comes to meeting people’s love needs, it’s really tough to start from “you’re going to hell”. Bottom line is this: for pre-Oedipal disorder, the love needs they had are needs which arrive before the concept of right and wrong are understood. i.e. you can’t meet their love needs with lists of ways to die. For post-Oedipal disorder, their concept of the opposite sex is bound to grief, you can’t tell someone that not loving something which repeatedly wounds them is a sin worthy of going to hell, they are simply defending themselves. For those who believe that they ‘are gay’ because they were homosexually abused and enjoyed it erotically, this doesn’t tell them that it’s not their fault, and that all men are fully-functional erotically, sometimes even in their sleep (Ahem, Lot’s daughters, and Ham and Noah). Since it’s also a confrontation with The Word of The Almighty, there really isn’t much of an opportunity to take back their adult assertiveness, defend their abused inner child and in so doing feel more powerful than their abuser. It’s emotionally associating their abuser with God. Not a good therapy plan, and not a way to draw people into the Church. Actually, a great way to drive people from the Church, not kicking and screaming, but buckling their seat belt and keeping their beliefs to themselves: it’s a defense mechanism: so they can’t be abused again.

Is his Bible quote inaccurate? not really. Does it drive people who experience eroticized same-sex attractions out of the Church? Yep. Why? Because it doesn’t meet them where they are, because it opens emotional memories of wounds from other Church members who have shamed, ridiculed, exasperated, abandoned, and abused them… hey that sounds like a quote from somewhere.

Ok, so Phil made even more comments:

“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”

And here the Christians are cheering, the ‘gays’ are revolting, and I’m face palming because they’re both making the same fundamental mistake. The word “homosexuals”. It’s a word in English. It has a very poor definition. It refers to both people who engage in erotic activities with members of the same sex, and to people who are attracted sexually to members of the same sex. But, it turns out, there aren’t any of those. What? Yes, every human being’s erotic drive always, always points to what they find to be their “other”, their “complement”, the completion of who they are. It’s underlying concept of the “self”, and of the “other” which have 1) not grown completely because of love needs which haven’t been met and 2) emotional wounds that haven’t healed. But people who experience eroticized same-sex attractions don’t know it’s not a “kind of person they are” because they are looking for an “identity” to fill the need for one which wasn’t entirely formed because of the unmet love needs and emotional wounds which haven’t healed. So he may mean to establish a list of people who live in discordance with Christian morality, while they hear a list of “kinds” of people who aren’t good enough to be saved”.

Also, listing “homosexuals” along with international mass murderers, probably wasn’t a good idea. These are people who need acceptance, affirmation, and affection, not an demeaning screening by TSA agents.

Now, to be fair, Phil didn’t believe he was in the process of counseling someone who was, as he puts it, “a homosexual”, he was apparently asked point blank about at least some of this stuff. And was it a set up by someone discontent over at A&E to try to get the show canned? Probably.

But in the end, it’s comments by Christians like Phil Robertson’s that drive ‘gays’ out of the Church, and it’s up to us to go win them back.

How to win them back

Well, hey, that’s what our whole site is about really. One simple rule Richard Cohen gives is “whoever loves the most and the longest wins“. I encourage you to get a copy of Straight Parents and Gay Children, and follow his advice, appropriately adapting if they’re not your actual child. Let’s look at a few steps you can take.

1) You must be willing to “do your work”, and do it. That’s what we say of folks who are willing to deal with the emotional wounds in their own life first. You must also learn to be a Safe Person. On our Book page, check out Boundaries and Safe People. If you are not a Safe Person, you’re not ready to help. It’s that whole Matthew 7, Luke 6 thing.

2) Accept them for who they are. Who are they? a man or women, designed in God’s image, broken by sin (by themselves and others), in need of a saviour and loved by Jesus – just as they are. Remember we know Jesus loved us because he died for us when we were still sinners. You must see the potential in them, but accept them as they are today.

3) Learn about the causes of SSA. By doing so, you will understand why they feel as they do. It may not be “logical” to Phil, but it actually makes a far amount of sense, emotionally. Understanding emotional patterns like anticipatory shame and defensive detachment will be tremendously helpful in understanding what’s going on during troubling times. An easy on ramp you can read in 10 minutes is The only 3 things I wish my straight Christian friends knew about homosexuality.

4) Learn to empathize not sympathize. Brene Brown does an amazing job of describing the difference, how empathy defeats shame. Shame plays a critical role in creating erotic same-sex attractions. Our entire project was designed to promote empathy onto. Check out Act 1 of the first episode.

5) Help them find the way out of double-binds. A double-bind is a darned-if-you-do, darned-if-you-don’t situation. Almost everyone who experiences eroticized same-sex attractions has been placed in a shame-grief double-bind. God promises not to make real double-binds (1 Corinthians 10:13), so there is always a way out. It may be difficult to find. If that way out involves a lot of sadness, you need to be there to comfort them. (Matthew 5:4)

6) They need a group for support. One friend alone is generally not enough. Encourage your friends to follow you in your decision to help.

7) Don’t assume they aren’t in the Church because they don’t believe in Jesus. Yes, Jesus is #1 priority in their life, but there are many people who are living the gay lifestyle out of the Church who believe that the Church is simply so corrupted because of the emotionally traumatic things other Christians have done & said in the past. This is a tragedy. Christ says we’ll know each other by our love for one another, and frankly, you can’t really blame people for believing the Church is corrupted if they haven’t been getting love. At the same time, the Church has the most to offer them. Telling them “they’re gay” because they don’t “really” believe in Jesus “enough” is going to wound them more. Unless, of course, they really don’t believe in Jesus, in which case, demonstrate Christ’s love and bring them the gospel.

In other words, you have to actually love them like a healthy brother cherishes his siblings. Not just feel happy about yourself when you imagine that you’d be polite to someone who told you they had erotic same-sex attractions, but you have to actually value them, care for them, think about their good and make it happen. Not smothering, not bossing, but delighting, empathizing, encouraging, deferring, and persevering.

Do they have a same-sex live in partner? Guess what, same thing. Love them.

The only 3 things I wish my straight Christian friends knew about homosexuality

1) There is no such kind of person as “a homosexual”.

An English dictionary is not a great source for a degree in psychology or theology, and the noun definition of “homosexual” blurs the line between people who engage in erotic activities with other members of the same sex and people who experience erotic attractions to members of the same sex. There is huge overlap between these two groups, but churches have traditionally only been able to address the first, and ignore the second. I’ve limited this discussion to the second group: men who have attractions to members of the same sex which have been eroticized. It turns out God did not create such people, He created us male and female, both with erotic attractions oriented towards the “other than self”; instead there are people who’s erotic attractions feel like they are oriented towards members of the same sex because their same-sex attractions (not erotic attractions) have been eroticized.

So what do I mean by “eroticized”? Culture calls it “gay”, but that’s a socio-political label many people chose not to accept. Lots of other folks just use the term same-sex attraction “SSA”, but I found that’s not precise enough for what’s really going on. Merely using the term “same-sex”, from the dictionary definition can actually relate to very healthy desires: our desire to spend time with other men – do things with other men, play football, go fishing, communal showers in the locker room, arm wrestling, or any other activity that men enjoy doing together, and that women typically don’t do with men. In addition, even the perception that another man is “handsome”, “striking”, “fit”, etc.. Is an attraction to his masculine attributes which is not unhealthy, in fact it could be inspiring. Hopefully, each of us men had a father to whom we looked exactly this way.

Eroticized same-sex attractions are an emotional perception that another member of the same sex is “hot”, or “sexy”. This is different from lust, which is actively fantasizing about having erotic relations with the other person. No amount of “bouncing his eyes”, or “white knuckling” will reduce the feeling that other men are “hot”, because it is not one desire, but two which need to be separated. There are other ways in which a man may become erotically or romantically attracted to another men, that particular one was what we call “pre-gender-identity disorder,” or “pre-Oedipal disorder”, there are several life emotional dynamics which eroticize same sex attractions, you can learn more about them later, the key is to realize there is no such thing as a single “homosexual desire”, and there is no healthy path into eroticizing same-sex attractions: they are always the result of unmet love needs and/or deep emotional wounds. And once they have been eroticized, there is no path out alone: it always involves someone else working love into our lives. I believe this is why “ever-straight” Christians need to learn about this issue so much: because straight Christians of the same sex as your brother or sister with eroticized same-sex attractions have the most to offer for healing.

The percentages of self-identified “gay”s who experienced sexual abuse seem to be shrinking. Currently, around 1/3rd report sexual abuse. Many will not admit to sexual abuse, ashamed they enjoyed it, not realizing the Bible has several examples of men whose bodies were fully-erotically-functional in their sleep. Others will not report it because they have not identified it as abuse. For others, it’s an issue they do not wish to discuss with everyone. Please do not expect or insinuate abuse in someone’s past. If it happened, and they want to talk about it, they’ll bring it up.

2) Erotic homosexual acts are prohibited by both the Old Testament and the New, for all national origins.

In a misguided attempt to “love”, many “gay friendly” churches have tried to remove or “grace away” what the Bible has to say about erotic same-sex activities. But despite their best attempts, there is simply no valid Biblical hermeneutic to argue that erotic same-sex activities will be beneficial or healthy for anyone ever. Robert Gagnon describes from the most liberal possible perspective of scripture that homosexual activities are not commanded or permitted in his book The Bible and Homosexual Practice.

There’s a double-edged sword here, so be careful. One the one hand, you don’t want to encourage them to engage in erotic same-sex activities by misstating Biblical truth, but on the other hand, if you aren’t accepting of them as a son or daughter of God, they won’t get their love needs met in a non-erotic way.

It’s pretty clear the certain passages in Leviticus and Corinthians indicate that same-sex erotic activities are a sin, and a pretty big one at that. Some argue that in Christ the law has been removed, but we need to be mindful that while the punishment has been suspended, the things prohibited by God’s law are still unhealthily for us in the long run. When we break God’s law, there are blessings He cannot give us. God has planned ahead good works for us to do, and the wedding dress the Church (bride) wears on judgement (wedding) day is made of these deeds. When we sin, God’s grace rescues us, but what? “should we continue sinning that grace may abound? May it never be!”

So my recommendation is if they’ve ever heard that you don’t believe erotic same-sex activities are ‘ok’, they’re going to remember. This isn’t like forgetting someone’e favorite ice-cream flavor; this is one of the major ways they define themselves. Repeatedly telling them what you believe is “right” and “wrong” won’t meet their unmet love needs or heal their emotional wounds. Because their very concept of “self” has been hurt, they believe “a gay” is what they are, so even phrases like “hate the sin, love the sinner” don’t convey a message that will help them at this point.

The key here is really to just love, and keep loving and keep loving. Do they have a live-in “partner”? Love him / her too; remember, they also have unmet love needs and emotional wounds.

3) As straight Christians, you have the most to offer to men and women with eroticized same-sex attractions to help 1) heal their emotional wounds, and 2) meet their needs for love.

Psychologists have identified 4 relationships that men who want to “change” can have, and how they can help:

relationships with other members of the “gay community”
others with eroticized same sex attractions who have chosen not to pursue the gay lifestyle
same sex peers who have not experienced eroticized same sex attractions (i.e. “ever-straight”) who do not know about an individual’s eSSA, and
ever-straight same-sex peers who do know about an individuals’ SSA.

They increase from least helpful to most helpful in that order. There are very few cities in the US where Christians with SSA can get the kind of vibrant support groups to help meet their needs and heal their emotional wounds.

It’s way too easy to dismiss someone’s subconscious wounds as “childish” because the needs we have are typically met in childhood. It’s important to realize the reason God designs these needs to be met in childhood is not because they are less important or silly in some way, but because they are more foundational. I’ve even heard well-meaning leaders in Christian ex gay ministries say “we don’t advocate these these kinds of therapies because this isn’t how adults relate to each other.” But when our troubles come from unmet love needs, telling people that they must remain deprived of love is not going to heal them: it’s drives them out of the church.

We need to learn how to empathize, not sympathize, with these men & women, and the easy way to do that, besides going back in time to live their life with them, is to watch reenactments of stories like theirs. Many times, it takes months or years for men and women with SSA to trust us enough to open up about the real source of their pain, if they even realize what it is. That’s the entire reason the Recently Straight project was started: to make an easy on-ramp to forming empathy for these men as a basis for helping the men form support groups to they can get their unmet love needs met and to heal their deep emotional traumas. In doing so, we’re discipling the Church to fulfill Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are the broken hearted, for they will be comforted.” – Jesus

General Therapy for SSA

Richard Cohen gives perhaps the most concise and complete explanation of the general therapy process in Coming Out Straight.

Stage 1: Behavioral Therapy

Establishing a support group, curtailing addictive behaviors

My experience is many churches do a great job with behavioral therapy, but stop there. They have 12 steps, but for an issue as big as SSA, it’s stage 1.

In addition, the client needs to begin forming a support community. While it’s useful to have the company of other men who are also seeking to heal from SSA, it’s more useful to have a group of straight Christian friends who know how to meet the client’s love needs, and that’s based in empathy. Without empathy from others, they will be unable to heal completely. This is why the Recently Straight project is so important. It can take months or years to establish the level of trust necessary for this to take place. Watching dramatic re-enactments of true life stories leads to empathy for the viewer, projecting that empathy onto the client speeds up the process.

Stage 2: Cognitive Therapy

When successfully ending acting-out behaviors, the client becomes more aware of the underlying emotional wounds and unmet love needs. Learning more about relevant issues, the client becomes better able to identify and articulate his own feelings. Most church 12-step programs lack sufficient information to conduct useful cognitive therapy for SSA>

Stage 3: Psychodynamic Therapy for homo-emotional wounds

Once the underlying support framework is in place, psychodynamic therapy aims to heal deep emotional traumas. In stark contrast to brainwashing, the client is encouraged to get in deep touch with his emotions, his goals, his inner troubles. Psychodynamic therapy takes many forms. One form is like role-playing, where the client can re-experience a situation in which they were wounded with the purpose of altering the ending. For overwhelming traumas, EMDR may be employed by a trained therapist to make the recovery of suppressed memories or emotions easier to handle. (Yes, they use that for PTSD, basically the same thing going on here.). The goal is for the client to move from counter-emotions to core emotions, and then from fear anger and sadness to joy (anywhere from contentment to happiness).

It is during this phase that most clients begin to see an abatement of their SSA, though OSA may not develop directly. It is important not to begin this phase until the client has ended addictive behaviors and established a vibrant support network. Some therapies can be done one on one, others will require group participation. “Experiential” weekends are particularly useful here.

Many churches will refuse to conduct, refer or even allow psychodynamic therapy. Fortunately, I will demonstrate in a future post that the Biblical world view is forms a non-arbitrary rational foundation for psychodynamic therapy.

Stage 4: Psychodynamic Therapy for hetero-emotional wounds

Stage 3 saw the continuation of stages 1 & 2, and the application of psychodynamic therapies to homo-emotional and homo-social wounds, i.e. wounds that came from members of the same-sex, whereas stage 4 does approximately the same thing, but with hetero-emotional and hetero-social wounds, i.e. emotional wounds which came from the opposite sex.

It is usually during this stage that OSA will begin to develop.

Tim Cook talks about “Equality”

Apple, Inc. CEO Tim Cook received Auburn University’s prestigious Lifetime Achievement award, and gave a short acceptance speech at the UN. First, War Eagle!, Auburn runs deep in my veins, and though we haven’t produced it yet, the tight relationship of the Auburn family features prominently in the sequel to our Act 1 video. If you want us to produce it, click the Donate button. Certainly Tim has achieved a high level of success in his professional life. Besides athletes, he is probably the highest profile Auburn grad in pop culture, and rightfully deserves this lifetime achievement award. We expect him to continue guiding Apple, Inc. on a path of innovation and making complex technology accessible to everyone.

However, Tim used this opportunity to engage in hate speech and campaign for abolishing our critical 1st-amendment-protected rights. Drawing an analogy with his time spent in the racist south, he associated people who do not believe in same-sex marriage with cross-burning racists. Depending on how you view the speech, he either associated LGBT with blacks who had their civil rights abridged during the decades leading up to the 1960’s, or with physically disabled persons.

Specifically, Tim Cook is backing Federal legislation, called “ENDA”, which would be a direct violation of the U.S. Constitution’s 1st amendment, which prohibits the Federal Congress from passing legislation respecting the free exercise of religion. In this legislation, called “Employment Non-Discrimination Act”, employers are prohibited from not employing self-identified members of the “LGBT” community.

Business policy vs. Love vs. Law.

Please understand, here at Recently Straight LLC, we do not use a person’s self-identitfied membership as L, G, B or T as a sole determining factor as to whether we will contract with them, but that’s policy, not law. The main reason I don’t use someone’s self-identified membership in LGBT community is because, as actors, their job is portray someone else, or as crew their job is to help me produce art. Those kinds of jobs don’t see a lot of interference from someone’s unmet love needs and unhealed emotional wounds which lead to eroticized same-sex attractions. That’s also why I don’t advocate discrimination in other business associations, unless for some reason it’s directly tied to their ability to fulfill their job.

As someone who experienced unwanted eroticized same-sex attractions I know how scary it could be that if someone discovered my “inner” feelings that I might be let go, or kicked out of Church, or shot, or abused, or end our friendship, or well anything really. Anticipatory shame, and defensive detachment are hallmark symptoms of eroticized same-sex attractions. Far beyond anticipating, working the Recently Straight project, we’ve been discriminated against on several occasions. We’ve been black-balled by some Dallas talent agencies, actors and actress have failed to fulfill their roles after deciding they don’t like the purpose of the project, marketing agencies have decided not to take us on as clients, and supposedly-conservative websites have decided not to allow us to advertise, Google has “disapproved” our ads, Vimeo has cancelled the accounts of other ex-gay clients, and even pastors have told me not to tell my testimony. We’ve seen more than our share of prejudice and discrimination. But I don’t complain much, because as a private business, that’s their right. I wonder how those businesses will feel once they realize I can sue for $M’s when they use our stance on the origin of eroticized same-sex attractions as the sole reason they don’t work with us, which is pretty much all we are. Lest they forget a Federal court has ruled that if L, G, B and T are protected gender identities, so is ex-gay.

The difference between business policy and law is that business associations are always voluntary. Governments use coercion to enforce laws. What level of coercion is appropriate to force a Christian Counseling group to continue employing a therapist claiming to provide Reparative Therapy for homosexuality after he announces that he identifies as “gay” and continues to engage in a gay-partner relationship? (Don’t laugh, it happens.) What level of coercion is appropriate to force a cake baker to bake a cake for a gay wedding when the cake baker does not believe that same-sex marriage can exist? (Don’t laugh, it happens.) Under this law, the Federal government would be in the position of prosecuting a religious organization which refuses to perform a same-sex wedding ceremony. Don’t laugh, it’s already happened to public facilities. They react by discontinuing all marriage ceremonies. These situations are already happening under some state laws, if ENDA is passed, they will begin happening in all states.

ENDA presumes truth contrary to science

The ENDA legislation is problematic for another reason: it hinges on the concept that “gay is how someone is born” by using the term “sexual orientation”. Science shows this isn’t true. Studied on identical twins have found that if one twin identifies as ‘gay’, in approximately 90% of cases, the other one does not. Instead, we know that eroticized same-sex attractions are the result of unmet love needs and unhealed emotional wounds. That’s why we promote love and acceptance of persons with eroticized same-sex attractions – because that’s what they deserve as being made in the image of God, it’s what Jesus commands us to share with each other, and it’s what they need to heal.

The need for “equality” has already been met

It is not coincidental that the gay lobby, of which Cook is clearly a proponent, uses the flag of “equality”, and is yet never satiated by their achievements. They’ve now moved beyond wanting tolerance, and acceptance: now they want to harm others who do not believe as they do. The sad truth is that they already are equal. There is no such thing as a “gay man” or a “lesbian”, but instead all human beings are inherently heterosexual. We are all created “men” and “women”. But not feeling the equality is a major contributing factor leading to the eroticized same-sex attractions. It is in fact the goal of Recently Straight to help them feel the belonging, the oneness, the equality. My motivation has been to do that with love, I see now that if we fail: their ‘stick’ will be to use the powers of government to coerce us.

5 arguments to make for legal same-sex marriage

I’ve been called a bigot for my belief on same-sex marriage, but “bigot” means “not easily persuaded”. Here I outline a 5 arguments for persuading me that governments ought to issue certificates of authenticity of same-sex marriage.

1) Demonstrate that there is a theological basis for same-sex marriage.

The Biblical God created marriage and defines its purpose. Some people were incensed to hear Megan Kelley say, “aside from a theological argument, there is no good argument against same-sex marriage”, but she was totally right. The trouble is that’s misleading, since marriage is a theological concept, so aside from a theological one, there’s no argument for same-sex marriage. In the Biblical worldview, the sexes were created for marriage, not marriage for the sexes. God has an intention to “create man in Our image”, he creates an individual man with a task to do (Mankind’s first occupation? Landscape architect.), and but seeing him alone, God says “a man alone is not complete” – which is the sense of the scripture “not good” in that spot. He encourages Adam to find a companion, and Adam acknowledges that none of the animals meets the qualifications; God himself creates the first woman. (Check out Genesis 2). This is why people get married (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7 and Ephesians 5:31).

In addition, We learn that marriage is the metaphor God uses for the relationship between Himself and His people, and between Christ and the Church. Check out the entire book of Hosea, Matthew 25, Mark 2, Luke 5 and Relevation 21. God creates the relationship, creates another relationship as a metaphor for it, and institutes the metaphor, even before sin happens.

The Biblical God establishes rules for marriage and sex, and prohibits same-sex sex. Having created the concept of marriage for a purpose and the sexes for that purpose, God has the right to do so. He declares that erotic sexual relations are to be kept inside marriage. Throughout Leviticus, Jesus’s own words, and reiterated by the apostles, God delivers rules about how marriage is to be carried out. In no case does He allow same-sex sex. (Actually, since same-sex sex doesn’t exist, the scriptures go through a contorted description of what that would be, but our culture calls it sex, but it’s not.) As Jesus’s sacrifice removes the ultimate punishment from our sins giving us grace and mercy instead, still Jesus persists in leading us to obey the law. From the woman with five former husbands, Jesus says “Go and sin no more”, and Paul’s caution, “Should we sin more that grace may abound? May it never be!” we see the principal that even if the sin is forgiven, it can still harm you, so don’t do it.

I cannot support same-sex marriage because there is no theological basis for its existence, and there are theological prohibitions against its would-be implementation.

2) Demonstrate observability of an authentic same-sex marriage.

Governments can not create or destroy marriage. Twice Abraham lied about his marital status to Sarah (Genesis 12 and 20) in lands and to rulers who (apparently) did not respect the Biblical God. In both cases, the locals treated her as a free woman, and God was angry. He sent plagues on the Egyptians for it, and made the women of Abimelech’s and infertile. Evidently, God is more concerned with the reality of the marriage than the local government’s perception of it. God even came to Abimelech in a dream and ordered him to respect the marriage. Furthermore, Jesus tells us that it is God who creates marriage: he said “What God has joined together let not man separate”, accounted for both in Mark’s Gospel and Matthew’s (Matthew 19, Mark 10).

Governments must observe, respect and defend marriages. Before pastors and preachers perform weddings, they evaluate a couple over several weeks or months to verify whether they are fundamentally ready for marriage. Ok, never “Really” ready, but got the basics. There are Biblical standards for what the relationship looks like, and many clues for what unhealthy relationships look like. In engineering, we have tests to tell us whether our devices are functioning as we expect, and in science we use “sanity checks” to check our progress in developing new methods and equations. Part of the true stories that inspired the first episode of Recently Straight were that people who appeared and professed to be truly in love with each other (and gave all outward appearances of such) are not really. You think I’m talking about Kevin & Kendrick, don’t you. Ha! You haven’t seen Act 3 yet. With so much deception in gay relationships, how can we determine that any particular gay relationship is authentic? What are the standards by which a same-sex marriage is authenticated?

So I do not say that marriage is a thing a government can make, only that it can observe. In that sense, marriage licenses are not charters of marriage, but certificates of authenticity. Without a set of observable criteria, how does the government determine the authenticity of a same-sex marriage? Without a theological basis for what constitutes a “same-sex marriage”, there is no non-arbitrary, moral definition for what it is, and therefore it cannot be mutually observed.

3) Demonstrate that same-sex marriages would be healthy or good.

What we find in the “gay lifestyle” doesn’t usually rise to the level of phileo (Greek word for brotherly love), much less agape (Greek word used in the Bible as the command for “love”). Instead, emotional dependency and codependency are enshrined as “love”. Men make failed attempts to meet their unmet child-hood love needs with eros, or suppress their unhealed emotional wounds with eros, accepting storge instead of phileo. Neither eros or storge bring ultimate fulfillment. Statistically, same-sex monogamous relationships are few and far between, but the biggest problem I see with presuming that they could all be monogamous if same-sex marriage were the law is the belief that they would be good if they were monogamous. Monogamy is a Biblical principle for healthy opposite-sex marriage. Children need multiple other same-sex friendships in order to form a true and healthy image of themselves as a member or their own sex. If we eroticize that, we call it promiscuity. But if it is true that many eroticized same-sex attraction get that way because they are based in a true realization that the man needs to find intimate connection with many other men, why would monogamy be a healthy principle for a same-sex marriage? In fact, many same-sex marriages finally turn into “open marriages”. How do we know whether same-sex marriage, if it exists, is healthy or good?

In The Netherlands, where there is nearly no “homophobia” and same-sex marriage has been the law since 1996, research found suicide rates amongst married “gays” were eight times higher than amongst heterosexual marriages. I don’t believe that same sex marriage creates suicide: I believe that the same shame-grief double-bind which so prevalently leads to eroticized same-sex attractions leads to a sense of “there’s no way out”. Believing there is no way out, or no path to fulfillment in life, may lead one to suicidal ideation. I believe that upon discovering that same-sex marriage was not the solution as the believed it would be, the sense of “no way out” is heightened. The authors of the study also point out that HIV and suicide appear to be strongly linked, with HIV far more prevalent amongst those in same-sex marriages.

We do not find that same-sex marriage, if observed, is healthy. Instead, traditional indicators of unhealthy relationships and emotional distress are high amongst persons identifying as ‘gay’.

With no basis for an argument that ‘same-sex marriage’ is ‘healthy’ or ‘good’, we cannot even begin to make an argument that members of society must respect and defend it.

4) Demonstrate that if a government does not coerce respect for same-sex marriage, there would be harm.

Creating good is not sufficient to make something a law, one must demonstrate that harm will result if the law is not enforced. This is an argument the gay lobby is adept at making. They frequently list of complaints of various ways in which laws unjustly affect the “LGBT community”, but most of these can be addressed in different ways, most of them by repealing existing U.S. laws.

a. get married to “be happy” – The Bible tells us that marriage is not a path to make one happy. Any argument to “let a couple get married so they will be happy” is contrary to Paul’s suggestion in 1 Corinthians 7:28, that marriage causes trouble – or rather, sinners in a marriage cause trouble, and we’re all sinners. We deal with this issue in Act 1 of Episode 1, though we don’t see the end. You’ll have to fund our the rest of the episode by clicking our Donate button for that.

b. hospital visitation / medical decision rights – This can be solved easily with a “power of attorney”. Most hospitals will require a written copy.

c. health-care benefits – If health insurance were taxed like all other goods and services and available in the free market for all, instead of handed out only to employees, it wouldn’t matter what your employer’s policy was on subsidizing health insurance which provides same-sex partner benefits. I support repealing laws giving specific tax breaks to people who work in the medical profession or for the big health insurance providers.

d. federal tax breaks for married couples – This perhaps seems like the strongest argument, mostly because people are not aware of alternatives to the “progressive” income tax. I’m against all Federal taxes on individual citizens. We had a way for the Federal government to fund itself before the covetous personal income tax was passed: the Federal budget was levied on states to pay apportioned by the headcount of the state. States could levy taxes as they saw fit, some had income taxes, some did not. Some still do not. I’ve moved from supporting a flat income tax, to a sales tax, to the realization that getting direct taxation out of the hands of the federal government is the best course of action. Returning to Federalism, and away from our course towards national socialism, is in the best interests of all Americans, except for the ones who want tyrannical control. Don’t support eliminating the personal income tax just because that would provide equality for ‘gays’, but because it moves us back toward Federalism.

e. same-sex divorce – The societal problems solved by opposite-sex marriage: fatherlessness, child abandonment, verifying rape, have basically nothing to do with a same-sex relationship, because by design it cannot produce children. But American culture has abandoned Biblical marriage many decades ago. We now live with “contractual marriage” or “age-of-consent marriage”: i.e. anyone is legally allowed to engage in sexual relations with anyone else, at any time, with any number of participants, for any duration, as long as all participants consent and are above legal age for such consent. Instead, “marriage” as a label is used merely for social status, slightly more formal than Facebook status, but Facebook status is climbing up. Even though it’s a government status, government truly has no power over the same-sex couple. In what way is marriage enforced? What does that even look like?

With so many examples of defending supposed same-sex marriages harming others so needlessly and disproportionately, I cannot make an argument that we must be coerced to tolerate same-sex marriage.

5) Demonstrate that harm produced by not enforcing same-sex marriage rises to the level of powers which may be used to enforce it.

This isn’t an argument concerning same-sex marriage specifically, this is the argument for all laws. All governments have 3 and only 3 powers: fines, imprisonment & death. And when you don’t pay your fines, they imprison you, and when you try to escape from prison, they shoot you. It’s easy to remember these 3. Remember the Declaration of Independence, our “Creator”-“endowed” rights? “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” ? Well, the original draft read “life, liberty and property”. Just take those three, reverse them, and you get death, imprisonment and fines (taxation); these are governments’ 3 powers. Whatever law government passes they can only enforce it with these; without these powers, government is a bunch of narcissistic & opportunistic scam artists with no good or service to sell to earn their keep. Most people have forgotten that, and that’s why people are stunned Obama’s solution to a perceived health insurance shortage was to fine people who don’t get insurance. What did you think the legislators were going to do? earn doctorate degrees and diagnose you and prescribe medicine while you had a chat in their office about tort reform? Earn chemistry and molecular biology degrees and develop new life-saving treatments and drugs? They won’t do that: they’re the government, they will only coerce you into the desired behavior: it’s their job.

So…

Any behavior which would be justly prohibited by a government must result in the detrimental effects greater than the detrimental affects of the power used to prevent the behavior. Otherwise, enforcing the law would increase the level of Creator-given-right infringement rather than reducing it.

a. A baker who was prosecuted when she declined to bake a cake for a same-sex wedding. She was coerced by the courts to bake the cake, not to mention the legal fees, and loss of time to do other work. A basic human right is that we have the freedom not to engage in trade for any reason, whether that reason is good or bad. Violating that freedom is what we call a boundary violation, and there’s a book on that, conveniently named “Boundaries”. The result of the “anti-dicrimination” laws is not liberty: it is tyranny. Coercing someone to work for you is not equality, it’s subjugation, i.e. slavery. In this case, “drive-by slavery”. People have less individual freedom now, because of so-called “equality” laws. Is going to another baker really so harmful, as to inflict legal proceedings on them?

b. Catholic adoption agencies in Illinois are prohibited from assisting in finding homes for children in the foster care system because they do not allow adoption to same-sex couples. Children have fewer options for parents now because of so called “equality” laws.

c. Persons who do not believe in same-sex marriage are not permitted to serve on the city counsel in San Antonio, TX. That’s right: because their religious beliefs differed from the city counsel, they are not permitted to serve on the counsel; that’s the law. Business owners who do not believe in same-sex marriage are being harassed in that city as well. People lose their right to select their representation in government because of a single religious issue.

d. Brendan Eich was removed from his CEO position because someone dug up that he supported California’s Prop 8 (a state constitutional amendment passed by the people which ensured that marriage in California would only be between a man and a woman), and changed his mind about it. Well, they say he resigned, but please, who really still believes that? That’s right, private companies are now starting boycotts of people who support God’s definition of marriage, or natural marriage.

We find the history of Government enforcement of same-sex marriage is violations of basic human- and citizenship-rights.

The law does not have the power to make a man righteous

As Christians, we are called to offer something greater than the law: we are called to give love, agape love, to love our neighbor as ourselves. If we are right, and eroticized same-sex attractions are partially caused by unmet love needs and unhealed emotional wounds, and it is God’s desire for us as Christians to love and to heal, Matthew 5:4, Matthew 22:37, then hope abounds for blessings from God. As straight Christians, please use the resources of the Recently Straight project to help meet the unmet love needs of people with eroticized same-sex attractions, and to support them as they heal their emotional wounds with God’s help.

Another FAIL at gay-affirmative theology

Someone sent me a link to the following article, and though it claims to be “humorous”, humor is one of the mechanisms the gay lobby has used to indoctrinate our culture about homosexuality. Let’s take a look at each item on their list:

http://www.nuwinepress.com/top-10-ways-god-loves-gays-article/

“9 – God knew we would be gay before we were born – and He made us anyway. — (Jeremiah 1:5; Isaiah 49:1; Romans 8:28-31). He let LGBT people write some of His favorite Gospel songs, direct some of His favorite choirs and called many to television and megachurch ministries.”

None of the above a scripture asserts anything related to eroticized same-sex attractions, or even a passing reference to homosexuality. This merely asserts something not in evidence, that someone can “be gay”. This is the very lie we fight against, the one the gay lobby has indoctrinated the culture to believe.

As for all the prominent “LGBT people”, everyone has sinned, so I suppose their next argument would be that God loves all sins. Argument is invalid because it reduces to absurdity.

“7 – He structured salvation such that every man who wants to be a Christian must learn to love a man named Jesus. — (John 14:23).”

Fallacy of equivocation: confuses eros for agape & phileo. We promote phileo and agape between men, we do not promote eros between men.

“6 – Jesus never said anything against homosexuality and He approved gender reassignment surgery. — (Matthew 19:12)”

This scripture does not discuss gender reassignment surgery, neither does it grant “approval” to such actions; it merely states that even someone who has been castrated (who were prevented from entering Jewish Temples because causing testicles to become dysfunctional is a massive offense against God) are not prohibited from receiving salvation through Christ. (Good thing, since salvation is by grace.)

In addition, Jesus did explicitly say that marriage was only between a man & a woman, and did not remove the already-in-place laws regarding homosexual practice. Mark 10:7 There is no scriptural basis for same-sex marriage whatsoever.

“5 – God uses rainbows in the sky to show his love and covenant of peace with humanity. — (Genesis 9:13) There’s even a rainbow around His throne.– (Revelations 4:3)”

I assume this is one of the more humorous points, sine the two are not related. I have unfortunately, met people who assume that a rainbow is a symbol of homosexuality. Instead, God’s meaning for the rainbow is to promise that the next time he judges the world it would be with fire, not with water.

“4 – He published David and Jonathan’s tragic love story in His best- seller, the Bible. — (1 Samuel 18:1-4; 1 Samuel 20:40-42; 2 Samuel 1:25-27)”

The assertion that David & Jonathan had a homosexual relationship is Saul’s assertion, not the Bible’s. There is literally nothing to indicate that either Jonathan or David had eroticized same-sex attractions, nor engaged in erotic same-sex activities. This is what we call “queering the text”. i.e. the’s the Gay lobby’s attempt to inset their political and religious agenda into history. Robert Gagnon discusses their relationship in detail in the book “The Bible and Homosexual Practice”.

Also interesting that they found no non-tragic “love” stories they could even attempt to queer.

“3 – In the Beginning, all humans were created intersex.
– (Genesis 1:27; Genesis 2:21-23)”

There is absolutely nothing in the scripture to indicate this assertion whatsoever. Neither of these verses indicate that man was created to experience erotic same-sex attractions, nor is the concept of “intersex” even mentioned. In fact, were this assertion true, Genesis 2:20 wouldn’t make much sense, because he would have found what he needed within him. In addition, assuming this verse were correct, it ignores the distinction God performs on Adam in creating Eve immediately after, again ignoring Mark 10:7. In other words. This is mindless drivel.

“2 – He designed a FABulous wedding in the Holy City of New Jerusalem and invited all his children (male, female and intersex) to come dressed in a gorgeous bridal gown. — (Revelations 19:5-9; Revelations 21:9-11)”

Again, this expresses a spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church, one which God creates marriage to mimic, not an erotic one between all men & women. Ignores Matthew 22:30 / Mark 12:25.

“1 – And the top way we know God loves gays? Because God IS LOVE. — (I John 4:16; John 3:16)”

God does love all people, men and women. My problem with this is the assertion that there is such thing as “a gay”. We do not find it evidenced in the research. Instead, all people are created heterosexual, and feeling eroticized same-sex desires is the result of unmet needs for love and emotional wounds which have not healed.

Do not take the Lord’s name in vain.

Exodus 20:7. This is a direct command, one of the “top ten”, but it gets confusing living it out in daily life. What exactly is “vain” and what is “taking” and how does that all fit together? It gets more muddied, though, when we talk about portraying characters on in a video. How might this command be applicable to a dramatic production?

False witness:

First and foremost, it is confirmed by other scripture, Exodus 20:16, that portraying false witness is not ok. In this way, when we say we have true stories I need to make a distinction: we have both amazing true stories to tell, and we have scaffolding on which those stories are presented. If we showed an actual 2-hour long group therapy session, you would be bored out of your mind because you wouldn’t feel what the participants feel. So how do you know the difference between true stories and scaffolding? Easy: the seemingly crazy, unlikely parts are true stories, and the normal everyday stuff is the scaffolding. In a number of places, the exact wording or the brevity of the character has been altered so that what is happening is clear to the audience. In other places the scaffolding actually gets acted out in real life. One of my favorites is Kevin’s line “Now you’re straight, go mate and procreate!” which was an amazing line written by my editor. What’s true is 1) he uses defensive humor to avoid difficult concepts and conflict in friendships, 2) He construes gayness “conversion” from gayness to straightness as having non-relationship-love qualities, and 3) He believes that the Church promotes instant conversion of fixing his sexual desires for other men. A month after we shot the scene, a man in our support group (who had not seen the video) at one point was commenting on the problems he’d had with what his church taught him about same-sex attractions. He said their response had been that once he accepted Christ, “now your’e cured, go be fruitful and multiply.” Pretty much the same line, it still got a laugh from the group, even though it didn’t rhyme as well. It’s been both awesome and heart breaking at times to see other scenes, even those which have been scripted but not produced lived out in the lives of men I know. That’s what happens when the core of the plot is true stories and the characters are matched on real men with authentic stories: life seems to imitate art, but in reality, we’re just making art which is true.

But

when it comes to what God has said, I take extra care to only actually quote Him as saying things He has actually said, word-for-word. When Josh gives his testimony of what God spoke to him in the Act 3 final scene, those words are word for word what God actually spoke to me. Oh, wait, haven’t seen act 3? Because we haven’t made it yet, check out the last scene, now available through VoD..

Oath taking:

Matthew 5:33-37. People don’t take oaths much anymore. Why? I dunno. I like what C.S. Lewis has to say about it in The Screwtape Letters. I don’t feel particularly comfortable with asking talent to take oaths. Being on video doesn’t give us carte blanche license to sin as the characters sin. Many things we can fake. Things which involve speaking we can’t fake; these people are actually saying these things. Did you know Kevin kissing Kendrick didn’t actually happen? Lloyd made that noise by kissing the back of his hand during post-production.

As an irreverent exclamation:

There are those who argue that using “God” in an irreverent exclamation does not technically violate his command to not take his name in vain, especially if the character would have done so. I’ve to to disagree, one of the definitions for “vain” is “for show”, and we are definitely making a video series “for show”. Even though it may be slightly inauthentic to have some characters not making “omg’s” in the series, this is one of the boundaries I have placed. You might not like all of my boundaries.