Get help

Help comes in many forms.  On this page are links to organizations and books, ebooks where available.

Organizations National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality

This is the key organization originally formed by Dr. Nicolosi as a professional therapist. After the APA caved to political pressure in 1973 and removed same-sex attractions from the list of things which weren’t psychologically healthy, researchers who knew better eventually coalesced into NARTH.  Bottom line is this is basically the the heart beat of where professional therapists synchronize their latest research. They have hours of videos of lectures and reams of research papers on their website.

People Can Change

This organization puts on events where men can experience healing in a practical way. Having attended their weekend, I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement, so I can’t say what goes on. What I can say is what doesn’t go on. I.e. it’s not a cult. It’s explicitly not religious, though when it is it leans Christian, but you do have to “bring your own higher power,” but it’s extraordinarily helpful. Not just the “Journey into Manhood” weekend, but the other weekends are helpful as well, “Journey Beyond” was particularly powerful for me.  No one I have met is aware of any therapy as helpful as the Journey Beyond weekend.  They also host a weekend in TX for wives of men with SSA.


Hope for Wholeness Network

A network of Christian counselors assisting those affected by eroticized same-sex attractions.  They feature a video curriculum geared either for an individual or support group.


Focus on the Family

They can give you a recommendation on a Christian NARTH Counselor near you. Well, “near”. Maybe 2 or 3 hours drive away, but IT”S WORTH IT. (Yes, so worth it, even the apostrophe gets capitalized!)


Parents and Friends of eX-Gays (PFOX)

This organization has been around for decades promoting the kind of love and empathy which is so critical in healing from the kinds of shame trauma that produce homosexuality.  They also promote equal acceptance for ex-gays as a protected “sexual orientation” to slow the on-slaught of government actions prohibiting our freedoms.


Restored Hope Network

You’ve heard of Exodus International?  The folks who now run Exodus differ from its founders on one key point: they don’t believe change is possible for everyone.  They do not provide resources to members on affective emotional work, and though they talk a good game about getting your core needs (attention, affirmation and affection) met in healthy ways, they actively discourage many healthy forms of those very things– in fact, mostly discourage the ones that are most effective at emotionally distinguishing our core needs from our sexual drive.  So the folks who do believe change is possible split off, they’re now running the Restored Hope Network.  It’s really new: it’s a network of support groups who can provide practical support.  There’s not even one in my town, though a friend of mine is working to remedy that situation.

Update: the night before sizzle reel launch day, Exodus quit.  As part of their parting message, they attempted to apologize for us.  Come on now guys, if you’d done your work and had a healthy sense of boundaries, you’d know it’s not ok to apologize for someone who hasn’t issued an apology.

Noble Man

Celebration of Being runs experiential weekends of all sorts, this one is designed for men dealing with emotional wounds around women.  Though it is not designed exclusively for men with SSA, all of the processes I experienced were beneficial.  Like the PCC weekends, you need to bring your own Jesus, though several of the leaders are Christian, there are a few activities based on Buddism, they seem mostly innocuous.

Voice of the Voiceless

An organization primarily concerned with protecting the civil and religious liberties of ex-gays, rights which are being eliminated by the gay-supremicist movement.


Desires in Conflict, by Joe Dallas

Joe explains from a Christian & psychological perspective the very basics of the “gender double-bind” condition. If you have only preconceived notions of same-sex attractions start here:

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

I’ve never met a man with SSA who didn’t have ‘boundary’ problems. Actually, most of the problems most folks have in relating with others are boundary problems. Entire political movements are even based on boundary violations, but this explicitly Christian book will help you establish healthy boundaries. Warning: the people who have been wounding you by violating your boundaries are going to be VERY upset when you try to put them back up.

Shame and Attachment Loss by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi

Nicolosi is the guy who literally wrote the book on Reparative Therapy for male homosexuality. This title is a detailed explanation of the causes & work involved in doing the therapy in your life.  Nicolosi has other texts, case studies of men who pursue OSA (spoiler: they don’t all make it, find out why), and a therapist’s practical guide (warning: this book contains therapist jargon).

Coming Out Straight by Richard Cohen

I didn’t use this book in my therapy: my therapists did.  Cohen presents in concise format the 4-stage process for healing the underlying emotional wounds.  He clearly explains why certain types of emotional wounds come together to form same-sex attractions in men & women, and details processes which are specifically targeted at healing each one.  This is a must-read for anyone seeking to maximize their heterosexual potential.

Wild at Heart by John Eldredge

True, Wild at Heart is not explicitly about homosexuality. However, it is about how modern Church culture can harm the healthy development of masculinity. You’ll want to make sure Your church is promoting a healthy, Biblical version of masculinity as presented in this book. Hint: Men are WILD. Many resources for developing healthy masculinity teach the concept of initiation rituals. Wild at Heart talks about those, so I prayed to God to give me one.  It came that very evening, in a very unexpected way. (I still have the scar from that. It was great!). The concept of initiation rituals is something that is completely lacking in American culture; many men don’t even realize that there’s a critical concept of masculinity that they’ve missed out on.

Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

I didn’t read this book; I listened to the audiobook version. My computer can literally make text sound more like a real human being reading it then whoever narrated the audiobook. That’s pretty funny, considering that the book is all about the difference between intellect and emotional intelligence. Again, this is not a book explicitly about same-sex attractions. However, one of my problems was that I have extremely low emotional intelligence. I’m quite smart, I have a PhD in aerospace engineering, but when it comes to understanding emotions and interacting with people, I’m pretty dumb! As a way to defend myself against painful emotions like anticipatory shame, I did what’s called “defensive detachment” in which I would separate from my emotions and live only in my logical mind. This book was enough to convince me that I should accept the concept of emotional intelligence, but it was not enough to actually get me out of my shame/worry loops. Emotions are much better connected to the sensations of the body than is logical thought. It took an affective, experiential weekend, Journey into Manhood, to break me out of those cycles, and give me the tools to break them in the future.

The Bible and Homosexual Practice: Texts and Hermeneutics by Robert Gagnon

From the most liberal hermeneutic possible, Gagnon demonstrates how scripture does not lead someone into homosexual enactment.  One well-researched counter-argument to ‘gay christian’ theology after another, Gagnon decisively combats the cultural corruption of God’s word, and brings in many other historical texts to help us understand the figures of speech used in the Word to more fully understand its meaning.

You don’t have to be gay by Jeff Konrad

This is a great book, and tells the story of one man’s success in changing his attractions. However it isn’t particularly titular.

Art of Manliness: Jungian masculine archetypes

This one isn’t strictly a book, it’s a website. It provides a great summary of the Jungian masculine archetypes. These aren’t weirdos Scientology people that live inside of you, they’re just patterns of thought and behavior that all men possess. Since I am a sci-fi nerd, I understand them in terms of Star Trek characters: King (Capt. Kirk), magician (Spock), warrior (Worf), lover (Will Riker). Remember above when I said that I frequently engaged in defensive detachment? I realized after understanding these archetypes that I have let Spock take over the Enterprise, where…  the Enterprise is me…  But Spock doesn’t make a good captain; only Kirk, the decision maker, can properly weigh intellect with emotion (Dr. McCoy)! It’s constant work for me to keep my inner king in charge of what I do and not retreat and allow my pure intellect to take over the entire decision making process. While many men who do not experience SSA don’t perfectly balance their archetypes, men who experience SSA are frequently at the pole positions of most of the archetypes.