Connection Pitfall: Joshing without an acceptance basis

Many men engage in joshing with each other when participating in a competitive activity together.  Joshing in an emotionally secure relationship is ok, but when forming a new relationship, especially with someone who has experienced a shame-trauma, can seem like additional shame, or bullying.  Many times this will take on an expression like, “I like playing with you, but I don’t like being ridiculed while we do it”.  When using shared activities as a way of connecting with someone who experiences eroticized same-sex attraction, please avoid joshing, unless they explicitly tell you it’s ok, or begin engaging in it naturally with you.  Even then, please try to keep it low key, i.e. let him lead the aggressiveness.