Connecting over an activity

Men form emotional connections by doing together.  This can be just about anything, so it’s up to you, but when forming initial ideas, don’t pick activities that your friend with eroticized same-sex attractions is not good at, or will not enjoy.  Initially, pick something with a good chance of success and enjoyment.  For instance, if he is also afraid of heights, don’t pick a roller coaster.  Directly overcoming fears happens later.  The beginning of a friendship should be easier ‘on-ramps’.  Movies are fine, but the cultural expectation of silence during movies actually hinders bonding time instead of increasing it, so either cut down on the concentration of movies or always join it with a social activity, like a meal, desert, or walks and chats.

Here are some ideas:

Tossing frisbees, watching a shared interested tv show or movie and talking about it, playing pool, fishing, horse back riding, pickup football, amusement parks, walks, workouts.


Remember, your goal in these activities is not to win a game: your goal is to connect emotionally with the man.  If you are playing a one-on-one sport, cheer him when he does well, as a father would.  A healthy father never cares more about winning himself than about bonding with his son by sharing a enjoyable activity.